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<p><h1>How to Train Your Human</h1></p>
	<p>This instruction manual will discuss the basics of training your human! Topics covered will range from setting a schedule to playtime to handling sickness. It is crucial you read through these instructions slowly and carefully, so you are sure to take in any and all techniques. Should you forget any of these topics, keep this manual on hand for review. After you have successfully mastered the entirety of this manual, if you are looking for a challenge you may try “The Advanced House Cat: Manipulating your Human”.</p>
	<p>This manual is designed for cats of all ages. Though it is a beginner’s guide, reviewing often is important and smiled upon. This manual may be used as a learning aid by older cat mentors, or read directly by the new household kitten. If you have any suggestions for future editions, please email them to the <a href="mailto:graylaurenm@gmail.com">webmaster</a>.</p>

<p><h1 id="index">Index</h1></p>
	<p><ul><li><a href="#intro">Introduction</a>
	<li><a href="#sched">Setting a Schedule</a>
		<ul><li><a href="#eating">Eating</a>
		<li><a href="#drinking">Drinking</a>
		<li><a href="#sleeping">Sleeping</a></ul>
	<li><a href="#basics">Basic How-Tos</a>
		<ul><li><a href="#games">Games</a>
		<li><a href="#hiding">Hiding</a>
		<li><a href="#scratching">Scratching Procedures</a>
		<li><a href="#clawing">Clawing Effectively</a>
		<li><a href="#doors">Dealing with Doors</a>
		<li><a href="#gifts">Gifts</a>
		<li><a href="#litter">Litter Training</a></ul>
	<li><a href="#issues">Everyday Issues</a>
		<ul><li><a href="#supervision">The Need for Constant Supervision</a>
		<li><a href="#vacuum">Handling the Vacuum Cleaner</a>
		<li><a href="#sickness">Dealing with Sickness</a>
		<li><a href="#carrier">Avoiding the Carrier</a>
		<li><a href="#meds">(Not) Taking Medicine</a>
		<li><a href="#nails">Nail Clipping</a></ul>
	<li><a href="#special">Special Occasions </a>
		<ul><li><a href="#guests">How to Treat Guests</a></ul>
	<li><a href="#extras">Extras</a>
		<ul><li><a href="#links">Links</a></ul></ul></p>

<p><h1 id="intro">Introduction</h1></p>
	<p>While being a house cat comes naturally to some, it is a common occurance that kittens separated from their mothers early in life did not learn the fine art of training their human. With proper instruction, you can learn how to properly train your human quickly and easily.</p>
	<p>Throughout this manual, you will encounter a number of sections instructing you on enfficient human training. It may be necessary that you skip back and forth between sections for reference. Following procedures with potential harmful effects, a (Warning!) or (Note:) will be given.</p>
	<p class="b">Warning! Should your human become aggitated, it is crucial that you cease training immediately and resume again only when your human has had time to settle down and forget the incident. Until you have a proper feel for how long that time period is, it is suggested that you wait a minimum of 6 hours. Because all humans react differently, it is wise to begin this new training regime with a 3 day trial period, in which you test your human's personal tolerance.</p>
	<p class="i">Note: Training is not for all humans, as the variability between humans prohibits easy recognition of volatile personalities.</p>

<p><h1 id="#sched">Setting a Schedule</h1></p>
<p>You human should be set to a strict schedule when it comes to your eating, drinking, and sleeping, since this is what you spend the majority of your time doing. Below, you will find a set of guidelines you should follow, as well as how to achieve them.</p>

	<p><h2 id="eating">Eating</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="noms.gif" class="left">
		<p>Goal: teach your human that 'enough' food is NEVER enough.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Meow loudly beside your food bowl.
		<li>Maneuver the lid off your food box, and nom! **link kitty nom vid**
		<li>Steal human food, whenever possible.</ol></p>

	<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><h2 id="drinking">Drinking</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="sink.gif" class="right">
		<p>Goal: teach your human you like fresh water.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Paw at the sink faucet.
		<li>Drink from the toilet, then lick your human's face.</ol></p>

	<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><h2 id="sleeping">Sleeping</h2></p>
		<img width="" src="claw.gif" class="left">
		<p>Goal: teach your human that where you sleep is important to you, and nothing they do will influence where you choose.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Sleep in the following prime locations: fresh laundry, laptops, keyboards, vacuumed furniture, cleaned countertops, and any major foot traffic areas.
		<li>Choose a sunny spot.
		<ul><li>Shred curtains if they are blocking your sun.</ul></ol></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="wake.gif" class="right">
		<p>Goal: teach your human that their sleep is not as important as your own, nor your food.</p>
		<ol><li>Sleep on your human's pillow in the evenings.
		<li>Wake up your human a good 20 minutes before their alarm so they get going early and their horrible alarm sound doesn't bother you.
		<li>Sit on your human's chest so they pet or feed you, preferably both.</ol></p>
		
<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><h1 id="#basics">Basic How-Tos</h1></p>
<p></p>

	</ol></ol></ol><p><h2 id="games">Games</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="cards.gif" class="left">
		<p>Goal: teach your human you like to be entertained.</p>
		<p><ol><li><u>Chase</u>: Wait until your owner is just within paws reach and bolt another 10 paws away from them. 
		<ul><li>Repeat until bored.</ul>
		<li><u>King of the Hill</u>: Compete for ownership of your human’s chest.
		<ul><li class="i">Note: Great game if you share your human with multiple cats!</li></ul>
		<li><u>Hands and Feet</u>: Chase your humans appendages under the covers!
		<li><u>Laundry Wars</u>: Play with fresh laundry while your human is folding it, hiding socks and jumping on ironned pieces.</ol></p>
		<p class="b">Warning! To avoid getting kicked out of the bed and/or room, cuddle when necessary.</p>
		
	<p><h2 id="#hiding">Hiding</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="hide.gif" class="right">
		<p>Goal: teach your human you can escape them.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Attempt all the obvious locations: under the bed, couch, or other furniture.
		<li>Try to hide in new places, such as cabinets or between the shower curtains.
		<li>Hook your craws into the ground when your human tries to pull you out, disregarding any possile damage to them or their possessions.</ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="scratching">Scratching Procedures</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="scratch.gif" class="left">
		<p>Goal: teach your human who's boss and punish when necessary.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Find a couch or chair when available.
		<ul><li>Try a good rug, and carpet should never be underestimated.</ul></ol></p>

	<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p><h2 id="clawing">Clawing Effectively</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human you know how to protect yourself.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Go for soft spots. 
		<ul><li>Inner wrist and arm, soft thigh, face, ears, eyes. Between digits and over stomach.</ul>
		<li>Hook your claws properly and pull for longest stretch to ensure maximum blood and itchiness.</ol></p>
		
	<p><h2 id="doors">Dealing with Doors</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human no door should be closed... ever.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Paw to open.
		<li>Run outside the front door so your human must chase you and bring you inside.</ol></p>
		<p class="i">Note: If you are an outside cat, sit in the doorway pretending like you are deciding whether you want to be inside or outside. This is particularly effective during hot or cold weather.</p>
		
	<p><h2 id="#gifts">Gifts</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human that good behavior earns rewards.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Catch an insect or rodent and drop at your human's feet.</ol></p>
		<p class="i">Note:Insects should be dead, otherwise, rodents should be alive enough your human can play with them.</p>
		
	<p><h2 id="#litter">Litter Training</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human you like a clean box.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Mess up the litter. 
		<li>Throw it everywhere. 
		<li>Be sure to use it while they are trying to clean it.</ol></p>

<p><h1 id="#issues">Everyday Issues</h1></p>
<p></p>

	<p><h2 id="#supervision">The Need for Constant Supervision</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human that you are always watching them.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Help your human read by laying under their chin or across the book.
		<li>Help with paperwork and knitting by sitting on top of materials.
		<li>Help cooking from behind the left foot of your human.</ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="vacuum">Handling the Vacuum Cleaner</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human the vacuum is a monster and you are only trying to protect them.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Destroy the vacuum bag at all costs, lest kittens be trapped within the monster’s stomach!</ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="sickness">Dealing with Sickness</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human to take better care of you. :(</p>
		<p><ol><li>Vomit in the most important spots, creating the largest surface area covering.
		<ul><li>Be sure to do so when your human has left, so you may allow the area to soak thoroughly.</ul>
		<li>Hiss and scratch as much as possible when being taken to the vet.
		<ul><li>Moan, fight, and scratch during the car ride especially.
		<ul><li>Avoid getting in the carrier at all costs.</ul></ul></ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="carrier">Avoiding the Carrier</h2></p>
		
		<p>Goal: teach your human you hate the vet!</p>
		<p><ol><li>Hide.
		<li>Spread your legs so you’re too big to push into the carrier.
		<li>Let the other pet out, if there is one in the carrier you have to share.</ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="meds">(Not) Taking Medicine</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human to stop poisioning you.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Hide.
		<li>Push out any meds with your tongue.
		<li>Make sure liquid meds are spit onto your human’s clothes.</ol></p>

	<p><h2 id="nails">Nail Clipping</h2></p>
		<p>Goal: teach your human that your claws are a part of who you are.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Hide! 	*link*
		<li>Latch onto the carpet and resist when your human tries to pull you out.
		<li>Destroy as much carpeting as possible before they defile you.
		<li>Claw! While you still have those beauties – use them!
		<li>Moan loudly throughout the entire process should your human manages to pin you down.
		<li>Don’t forget to wiggle and check your human’s hold for weak spots.</ol></p>
		
<p><h1 id="#special">Special Occasions</h1></p>
<p></p>

	<p><h2 id="guests">How to Treat Guests</h2></p>
		<img width="150px;" src="rub.gif" class="right">
		<p>Goal: teach your human you are the only friend they need.</p>
		<p><ol><li>Meow. A lot.
		<li>Do not comply if your human tries to show you off.
		<li>Beg the guests for food.
		<li>Jump onto your guests lap to be pet – whether they want to or not.
		<li>Bother guests that are allergic to you the most.
		<li>Practice aloof disdain if anyone says the phrase, “I love kitties.”
		<li>Monitor their bathroom visits.
		<li>When rubbing against them, choose contrasting colors to your fur. 
		<ul><li>Velvet is the ideal fabric to rub against!</ol></p>

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